Tension in the Christian family is not new. Consider the great Apostle Paul and his associate, Barnabas. So sharp was the dissension between them over John Mark that the original missionary team was shattered. Another example occurred when a visible tension crack appeared in a great New Testament church. Two well‑known and capable women were at odds with each other. The rumblings of the storm were heard in Rome, and Paul sent a personal appeal to the women to behave like Christians. He implored the church leader to assist them in the healing process. Sometimes the tension builds between church leaders—two deacons, or a deacon and pastor, or a senior pastor and his associate.

 Identifying the Invisible Agent  The tragedy in the recurring drama of church tension is our failure to recognize the subtle tactics of the invisible prompter who provides the cues to the players from behind the curtain. Frequently Satan does his damaging work through quality and gifted people who by virtue of their personalities and gifts garner many followers. No one could question Peter's outstanding gifts nor his commitment to the Lord, yet Satan used Peter as his tool to persuade Jesus that He need not be crucified. Peter advocated what Satan had suggested to the Lord in the wilderness: "You need not die. Why not take up your kingly crown now instead of suffering the agony of the cross?" The Lord recognized who was behind the curtain and said, "Get thee behind me Satan," but He was addressing Peter. Whenever disunity, tension or stress arises, it may be wise for the church body to ask, "Who really is back of this and who is He using?

 Identifying the Soils Most Receptive to Satan's Seed  Satan's seed bag of discord is overflowing. Unguarded critical remarks, love for recognition, a desire for preeminence: these bad seeds cause strife in the body of Christ. Personal preferences, beloved traditions, and unconfessed sin also divide. The enemy's methods for dividing churches are often repeated, and he has never exhausted his bag of tricks.   Is there a solution to our church discord problems? Yes. But before writing the prescription, let's examine the sources of stress which allow Satan to sow his disruptive seeds.

  Sources of Stress

1. Diverse Cultures. Because of our different community, social, ethnic, cultural and economic backgrounds, we tend to transfer past practices into biblical absolutes. My readers may smile, but when I was converted at the age of 16, I had a mental image of what a Christian should be. The focus was mostly on negative, external practices rather than on a personal relationship to the Lord. Immediately I ruled out all movies, pool playing, tobacco, bowling, checkers and cards. There were good reasons for some of these "no‑nos" for Christians, but not because of clear biblical guidelines. Somehow I missed the weightier matters of kindness, love, forbearance, compassion, and the fruit of the Spirit. When I left my home community to attend a Christian college, I was amazed to find some Christian friends who didn't agree with me on my identification marks of a quality Christian. And yet they loved God's Word, prayed earnestly, witnessed to unbelievers, and won many to Christ. It was an enlightening experience for me.

 2. Personal Preferences. Yes, I have a few of my own, and I have noticed that a few of my senior citizen friends also have a few inviolable absolutes by which they measure one's spirituality. They may be focused on a style of music, a worship format, an emphasis on celebration and praise, or maybe even a change in the schedule of Sunday and mid‑week services. Personally, I'm a traditionalist, but in these recent years I’ve refuse to allow my personal preferences to be a producer of tension in the body. In fact, I'm learning some of the more contemporary praise choruses, because I read that in heaven they will sing a new song of ­worship and praise. I don't wish to be out of practice. Godly believers can innocently generate poor interpersonal Christian family relationships by adamant rejection of any pliability in their preferences.

  3. Diverse Personal Convictions. Sincere and godly people studying the same Bible with honest hearts often arrive at different convictions about certain biblical teachings. These convictions may lead us to worship and serve the Lord in different religious bodies, but if the major fundamentals of the biblical faith are firmly believed, we can love and respect each other as fellow members of the greater body of believers. I have some godly pastor friends who hold some diverse views on church government. Naturally, they believe their interpretation is correct and I believe my view is right, but we have agreed to disagree agreeably. Frankly, I allow them the luxury of being wrong. Too frequently our arch enemy splits a church through some individual pastor, deacon, teacher or others who will not tolerate any divergence of opinion from their own.

 4. Diverse Personalities. God didn't use a personality cookie cutter when He made man. Unless we are sensitive to this diversity in God's creative wisdom, we may generate tension by our personal intolerance. Even though this diversity is rooted in the wisdom of God and is for the enrichment of the human family and of the local church, Satan can use this distinctiveness to create tension. Some people are bold; others are timid. Some are loquacious and some quiet. Some are highly organized and some are easy come, easy go. Some are rigid and others are pliable. Some are teachers and some are evangelists. Some are logical, some are intuitive. This rich diversity can be the very soil in which Satan sows his seeds of carnal division. We must rely on the Spirit of God for an understanding grace when our diverse personalities could produce tension in the body.

  5. Diverse Maturity. In his early discipleship John was known as a "son of thunder" (Mk. 3:17), possibly because he was a bold young man who would have called down fire to destroy a certain Samaritan city (Lk. 9:54). This young man was so impetuous that he asked for the foremost seat by the Lord's side in His kingdom. Later he became known as the apostle of love and taught others to "walk in love."    All believers are saints in position but not all believers are saintly. Christian maturity is a process, but too often believers forget the pit from which they were dug and expect others to stand on the level where they now are, quite unmindful of their earlier spiritual immaturity. The grace of patience is not automatic; it must be added to our faith (II Pet. 1:5, 6).  6. Our Self View. Paul said of believers, "Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought" (Rom. 12:3). But if it is wrong to "over‑think," it is also wrong to "under‑think." Many Christians do not like the image reflected by the mirror. A low self‑image not only discredits God's wisdom and creative handiwork but also generates tension in the home and in the family of God. The roots of poor self‑esteem may stem from some physical factors or from a difficult family situation, or from a spiritual problem; but the product is an inner bitterness which lashes out and injures many (Heb. 12:15).  

The Divine Prescription for Unity In the Family 

 Family disunity stems not so much from our diverse cultures or personalities or preferences, but from our failure to draw upon the provisions God has given us. The Lord made ample provision for quality relationships in the Christian family. But unity is not automatic, any more than food on a table is nourishment for the body of one who doesn’t eat it. Peter speaks of the abundant provisions which the Lord has given to every believer, "hath given unto us all things that pertain to life and godliness" (11 Pet. 1:3). There it is, lovingly spread out on our table. How much more do we want than the "all things" for life and godliness? Again Peter writes of his "exceeding great and precious promises that by these we might be partakers of the divine nature." This is the believer's checking account which can never be depleted no matter how many checks one writes.    Not only do we have the adequate provisions for unity in the local church, we have the motivation of the Lord's commands. As believers it is our responsibility to prepare the soil with "lowliness and meekness, with long‑suffering, forbearing one another in love" (Eph. 4:2). It is imperative that we "endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (Eph. 4:3).  It isn't our prerogative to vote on God's imperatives. Our failure to respond to His commands will have far greater significance at the Judgment Seat of Christ than will some fellow believer's failure to observe our personal preferences. If we as believers face some unity-destroying conduct, or observe some non‑Christian attitudes or divisive comment, this could be our opportunity to be the Lord's modifying agent applying the needed healing ointment.    We have ample opportunities to exercise a ministry of healing, whether in a local church or a mission field or with some fractured Christian family. The keys are the Word of God, spiritual sensitivity, the wisdom of the Holy Spirit dwelling within us, and, of course, a personal spirit of meekness. The Lord has given to each believer adequate guidelines for God‑glorifying interpersonal relationships, and with these guidelines He has also given to us the wonderful enabler, the Holy Spirit.

 Some Guidelines to Follow  

1. Let us not split our churches. Saints split their own churches, but this was never God's intent. As Jesus explained in the parable of the tares, "an enemy hath done this" (Matt. 13:28). Believers need to be sensitive at all times, lest they become Satan’s tool. Let us daily put on "the whole armor of God" as our protection from his strategies.

 2. Let us focus on the Lord's imperatives. "Be of the same mind, one toward the other" (Rom: 16), "with one mind glorify God" (Rom. 15:6); "In lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves" (Phil. 2:3); "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 2:5).

 3. Let us draw upon His provisions. "According as His divine power has given unto us all things pertaining to life and godliness" (II Pet. 1:3); "In Him dwells all the fulness of the godhead bodily. And ye are complete in Him" (Col. 2:9, 10).

 4. Let us allow the Holy Spirit to make His fruit visible. Here is the foremost secret of both personal and church unity. The primary fruit of the Spirit is love, and love suffers long and is kind and patient and never exalts itself (Gal. 5:22, I Cor. 13:4).

 5. Let us practice the positives. Some very positive practices that are essential for healthy Christian relationships.

·        Practice a forgiving spirit—the Lord did.

·        Avoid making judgments on the basis of an incident. Moses smote a rock but Moses was not a rock smiter

.·        Practice talking to a person and not about him/her.

·        Allow others to grow in grace. We are all in process.

·        Recognize that our perceptions may not be rooted in facts.

·        Let us modify our preferences by the preferences of others

.·        Beware of erecting extra‑biblical standards of spirituality.

·        Seek a joint resolution of differences, with a personal commitment to pliability.   "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for the brethren to dwell together in unity" (Ps. 133:1). And the angels of heaven said, "Amen."